Day 10!

Hey Dad!!
It's day ten since you left for whereever we go after we die, and I was feeling really down last night, so I decided to cheer myself up with baking, and because your favorite breakfast was hot fresh blueberry muffins on the way to church, I made 60 of them, and passed them out to my team at work...

I did it because I wanted to feel a little closer to you, and I am really really glad that I did <3 I feel so much better now! I wish I knew more of your favorite foods, I know you loved Beef Stroganoff, but I don't think I'd make that well...

I will try though!

I'll make it for you and Eugene... you can eat it together!

Love you Dad,

Hope today is all smiles for you!

9 days

It's been 9 long long days since you left, and I'm not feeling any better, I was told that it will take time, but no one ever tells you how much time it will really take.

All I can really say for sure is that the amount of pain is equal to the amount of love.

I really really really miss you.

at work right now, and I can't help the stupid tears, it's killing me.

I need to talk to you about my son, he's been cutting himself, and it's getting worse, we are putting him into counseling, but I just don't know what to do, I was a cutter, before I met you and Mom, so I know that it's not because he wants to die, it's because he's in a lot of pain, or he just wants the attention, at this point I'm not sure which one it is....

he's had a damn good life, but I suppose anyone can be depressed about anything, regardless of how I see it...

UGH I don't know how to be more understanding, I honestly don't think that me being more understanding is what he needs! I think he needs his ass beat.

this is why I need to talk to you though, you would have some words of wisdom I know you would....

Can you talk people up there into installing a phone line please?

Love you Daddy, watch over Cassie, Merry, Annie, and Mom ok?

Dear Dad

You have been gone from this world for 5 whole days, it gets harder each day. It should get easier, but I guess that will take time, I keep thinking about calling you to say I love you, and I miss you, but you won't pick up the phone, and it is possible one of the girls or mom would, and they would cry to even hear it go off.... I am so saddened by this.

I am sorry to only send you sad letters, I will try to make them better soon.

For now I am counting my blessings, I will compile them into a different letter when I can see better, for now, too many tears are blinding me to make sense.

I love you daddy, and I hope you are well, and watching out for us...

Hugs and kisses!!

Sarah

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Dear Dad

Hey Dad,

I couldn't wait another day to write, I needed to get this out, I"m sitting here at work, remembering how amazing you were, I have all these wonderful memories of you.

The tears won't stop, so I'm smiling with tears streaming down my face, remembering how you helped me get ready for homecoming my sopphmore year, when we put your hair up and gave you the "Royal Treatment" you just took it, like the amazing Father you are.

I wish you didn't have to leave. I love you and I miss you.

April 30th 1969 to Ausgust 2nd 2011

Dear Dad,

It's been less than 24 hours since you passed, and I can't stop crying.

I figured I needed this, it's cathartic to write :) And this way it's like I'm telling you about my life.. I know you are reading this, I hear the Wifi in Heaven is perfect ;).

Lets start with the beginning!

I met you when I was 14, a sullen bratty willful teenaged girl who came to live with you and Cindy.. You know what had happened to me, I was damaged goods, but you took care of me.

I remember the first 6 months I followed Cindy around like a puppy dog, clinging to her like she was my life preserver, and you just let me do that, you let me heal slowly. Then I started realizing that you were there for me. You always were.

If I was crying you would pat my shoulder, if I was angry you'd let me be angry ( Unless it was Directed to Cindy LOL)

You taught me everything I should look for in a mate.

You were not my father by blood, but you ARE my father in the only ways that matter.

I can't really write much today because it hurts so much right now. It feels like my heart breaks, reforms and breaks again, over and over and over again, because you are gone.

I am so happy for you though Dad, you fought so hard for 2 years against your Neuroendocrine Cancer, I'm proud of you for that fight, and happy that you are no longer in pain.

The problem is that while you are no longer in pain, the rest of us can't seem to stop being in pain. I'm sure that you hate that, so I'm trying really hard to be strong and remember that you are happy now.

I love you Daddy, hope today is a good day in Heaven.

~Sarah~